October 2005

Quest Archives

Contents

• How Much Do We Deserve? BY JOHN BUEHRENS
• On-Line Classes
• A Mitzvah of Reconciliation
• Bad Information BY JANE RZEPKA
• REsources For Living BY LYNN UNGAR
• Merlin Said BY PATRICK MURFIN
• Canvass 2006

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How Much Do We Deserve?

BY JOHN BUEHRENS, MINISTER, FIRST PARISH IN NEEDHAM, MASSACHUSETTS

A friend of mine says that the real secret to every sermon lies in the experience that made the minister want to preach it. If that's the case, then the moment of inspiration for what I have to say came at a glitzy mall near my home in suburban Boston, just before Christmas. In the midst of the crowd of shoppers heavily laden with purchases, I saw a teenager bopping along, listening to his CD player, wearing a T-shirt inscribed, "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT NARCISSISM!"

That is the spiritual ailment of our age, you know: the sense that all that matters is what I feel, or want, or think I deserve. Then, driving home, I found myself listening to my own new CD – by "Sweet Honey in the Rock," those amazing African-American women, one of whom is an active Unitarian Universalist. "I been thinkin' 'bout how to talk about greed," they were singing. "Greed moves like a virus seeking out everyone.... Nothing seems to stop it once it enters your soul.... Greed driven people created slavery.... Greed is so sneaky, hard to detect in myself; I see it so clearly in everybody else."

In June 2000, delegates at our General Assembly voted to adopt a statement of conscience entitled "Economic Injustice, Poverty and Racism." The statement begins: "We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, hereby rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of economic justice, an end to racism, and an end to poverty." But it's one thing to talk about the economic issues, and another thing entirely to live them. It's easy to identify with the young man described in the 19th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew: when this man asks Jesus what he must do to have eternal life, Jesus recites the essentials of Jewish law – the ten commandments and the injunction to love one's neighbor as oneself. But the young man is looking for extra credit – for recognition as someone truly good. He says, "I have kept all these; what do I still lack?" The Gospel states: "Jesus said to him, 'If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven....' When the young man heard this, he went away sorrowful, for he had many possessions." We want to be good, but it is hard not to be sorrowful in the face of advice to share one's many possessions with those who have little or nothing.

In 1998 Robert Bellah addressed our GA in Rochester, NY. He talked about the effects of hyper-individualism in our society, saying, "It is no accident that...the United States, with its high valuation of the individual person, is nonetheless the only North Atlantic society where such a high percentage of people live in poverty. Just when we are moving into an ever-greater valuation of the sacredness of the individual person, our capacity to imagine a social fabric that would hold individuals together is vanishing. And this is in no small part due to the fact that our religious individualism is linked to an economic individualism which, though it makes no distinction between persons except monetary ones, ultimately knows nothing of sacredness. If the only standard is money, then all other values are undermined." Seven years later, his words ring just as true.

Globally, we are six billion people now on this planet. According to the UN, at least two billion live on $2 a day or less. Two-thirds of those live on less than one dollar a day. Issues of covenantal commitment to the common good and to distributive justice are everywhere. On my shelf at home I keep a painted papier-maché chalice given to me by the banghi women of Ahmedabad, in India. Banghis are those who by caste custom must earn their living in the villages cleaning out other people's latrines, and in the cities gathering refuse in the streets, as "paper-pickers." With help from the UU Holdeen India Program, 17,000 banghi women in Ahmedabad were organized into a union – which now has a contract with the city to provide all its recycling services, and for a living wage.

I say that our support for those women illustrates the principle, "from those to whom much has been given, much is expected." Ethicist Peter Singer, in an essay on famine, goes so far as to suggest there should be an economic formula for our responsibilities. If we really lived out a sense of social solidarity with others, then someone with $50,000 in income, he says, would have to devote more than $20,000 of that to helping the neediest. As children's writer Shel Silverstein once said in verse:

I'll share your toys, I'll share your money
I'll share your toast, I'll share your honey,
I'll share your milk and your cookies, too.
The hard part's sharing mine with you.

We know that we have an obligation to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly enough to empower others to develop their full human, spiritual and moral potential. But we ' re afraid. Afraid that we don't know how, perhaps. But also afraid to let go of what makes us feel safe. So many of us fall back on the spiritual temptation to say that whatever we have, we deserve. Because we earned it. As though no one else played a role. Not our parents, teachers, colleagues, friends, or mentors. Not our values or our God. Not those who work for less than we do. Not anyone or anything. Then I can hear my mother repeating what she once said on meeting the late Sen. Joe McCarthy: "Hm! Another self-made man who worships his creator!"

How much do we deserve? In a brilliant book with the same title as this sermon, the Rev. Richard Gilbert suggests some principles for distributive justice. He quotes what the Catholic bishops wrote to their people in the 1986 pastoral letter, "Economic Justice for All":

Distributive justice... calls for the establishment of a floor of material well-being on which all can stand. This is a duty of the whole of society, and it creates particular obligations for those with greater resources. This duty calls into question extreme inequalities of income and consumption when so many lack basic necessities. Catholic social teaching does not maintain that a flat, arithmetic equality of income and wealth is a demand of justice, but it does challenge economic arrangements that leave large numbers of people impoverished. Further, it sees extreme inequality as a threat to the solidarity of the human community, for great disparities lead to deep social divisions and conflicts.

What does our conscience say?

Our political and economic views and circumstances will vary. But a shared religious view of economic justice, I believe, should not rest on the political, or even the ethical level. It has to go deeper. It has to ask the underlying spiritual question. What blocks us from empathy with the suffering and deprivation of others? What keeps us from feeling solidarity with other people's struggles for justice? What keeps our society, in all its abundance, in such a state of "moral underdevelopment," as the bishops call it? Take the word "entitlement." When it becomes a dirty word for public policy toward the poor,
why does it remain so apt a description of our society as "a culture of entitlement"?

I know. Among the poor, however clearly we see the objective patterns of oppression, we can be put off by the self-defeating patterns of behavior that some call " internalized oppression. " When that's the case, perhaps we should maintain our sense of human sisterhood and brotherhood the same way that Mary Pipher suggests a good marriage stays together: t ry looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, "You know: y ou're no prize either!"

You see, only you, and you, and you, and I, together can prevent narcissism, can prevent a culture of narcissistic self-involvement from sapping our souls. Only we together can learn to talk about greed. To see it not just out there in others, but in ourselves here as well. To support, not an ideology, but a spirituality that moves toward economic justice. Through more responsible consumption. Through the real empathy that must precede and support all effective public policies. In the United States, those policies might include a higher minimum wage, affordable housing, health insurance and child-care to help low-income families, and debt reduction for the world's poorest countries.

Asking how much I deserve keeps me trapped in my narcissism. Looking around me, however, I'm kept mindful of the needs of others. I count my many blessings. I remember how often I've been allowed to drink at wells that I did not dig. And I discover again that deeper part of my soul that is both generous and courageous for justice.

When I call for the weekly offering I often say, "Freely have we received of gifts that minister to our needs of body and spirit. Gladly we now bring to our religious community and its wide concerns a portion of this bounty." And as the hymn insists, "On the road from greed to giving, Love will guide us through the hard night."

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Online Classes

The CLF is developing a number of different classes that will be offered online. Want to learn how to practice meditation? Looking for a chance to reflect on how our history might inform your current beliefs? Go to www.clfuu.org and click on "religious education" and then "online courses" to view our latest offerings.

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A Mitzvah of Reconciliation

BY BARBARA PESCAN, MINISTER, UNITARIAN CHURCH OF EVANSTON, ILLINOIS

Let us turn.

Let us be aware that
the need for human transformation is an emergency.

Reconciliation can be a work of preparation that ripens into a fulfillment of turning –
teshuvah, the basic principle and movement of
the Days of Awe.

The moment of turning, in which we release the grudge
against someone who has transgressed against us.
The split second when we at last decide we can no longer live
with this ulcer on our spirit.

That moment wherein I realize I risk less
      by asking for forgiveness
than by continuing to carry the burden of guilt and regret.

We need to do this from time to time
because our hearts become heavy with dis-ease;
because an unresolved past clouds our vision for the future;
because our joy is tainted with the taste of ashes;
because we are human and we err and we must love
      and take care with our humanness, our very vulnerability.

Prepare yourself.
We do not presume to try to re-create the spirituality
or practice of any other religious group.
We wish to take some moments
and with silence
and with words
to think on these things.

Now you are before the gate of the year –
before this gate are shadowed figures, familiar silhouettes.
See, that one emerges from this gathering and approaches you.

Oh, this person is one whom you know.
This is someone who has wronged you grievously.
This person's face wears a mask of pain and shame
behind which moves a small hope.

There is a voice. Your name is spoken:
"I have wronged you. I ask your forgiveness,
for this wrong lies on my heart as a stone."

It is to you the voice speaks,
and you are the only one who can respond.

What shall you do?

You stand before the gates of compassion once more.
You are waiting for the one person you must see.
These shadows reach for you as an old friend.
On this day, the gate is open on its rusty hinges
and the approach is clear.
Coming toward you is the one to whom you must speak.
Your words are simple,
and yet have trembled behind your lips for so long.
You look in the eyes of this one who comes,
to whom you come,
and, looking at these eyes, you hear yourself saying:
"I have wronged you grievously.
I ask your forgiveness
for I would be free of this heaviness I carry,
      this stone I inscribed with your name."

This gate begins to close.
And a voice comes.
The voice says to you,
"I forgive you."

You are forgiven. You are forgiven. You are forgiven.

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Bad Information

BY JANE RZEPKA, SENIOR MINISTER, CHURCH OF THE LARGER FELLOWSHIP

Surrounded by people whose language I couldn't understand, who didn't look like me, who were stranded, agitated and hungry, I guarded my hard-boiled eggs. Instinctively. Before I had a chance to think about it. And I don't even like eggs!

I am, I like to believe, a generous person, or at least a person who has manners. I enjoy interacting with people I don't know, even when communication seems difficult. Traveling beyond my own element feels enlivening and like a generally good thing. I don't mind the uncertainty of erratic or mysterious meals. So what was the big deal about hard-boiled eggs?

In his poem, "One Source of Bad Information," the poet Robert Bly explains:

There's a boy in you about three
Years old who hasn't learned a thing for thirty
Thousand years. Sometimes it's a girl.

This child has to make up its mind
How to save you from death.
He says things like: "Stay home. Avoid elevators. Eat only elk."

You live with this child but you don't know it.
You are in the office, yes, but live with this boy
At night. He's uninformed, but he does want

To save your life. And he has. Because of this boy
You survived a lot. He's got six big ideas.
Five don't work. Right now he's repeating them to you.

I have – we all have – 30,000-year-old safety tips bouncing between our ears. "Alert! You don't know when you'll eat next, you're among an unknown tribe, and you have only three hard-boiled eggs! Conceal those eggs!"

Well, that's ridiculous advice for a traveler in a Chinese airport, even when the food stalls are closed and the flights are cancelled. Yes, the three year old is repeating six big ideas to me, five of them don't work, and this thing about the eggs is one of them.

There are others. We all have candidates we could put up for a vote.

One candidate, it seems to me, advocates security. Whether it's the "Red Menace" of the 1950s, genocidal polio vaccine, or Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, people all over the world hear internal voices, very old and very deep, that call for immediate methods of stomping out the trouble – hang the cost, the ramifications, the evidence, the human rights, the loss of life. "Trouble! They ' re coming to get us! Quick! Get your weapons!" I can hear echoes of that timeless dictum in my own head. How often is it one of the five that doesn't work?

Another candidate for big ideas that don't work surely lies in the area of gender identity and sexual practice. I live in Massachusetts, USA, where same sex marriage is legal. Visitors from Kansas recently picketed schools and churches in my town bearing signs that said, "God hates fags." What 30,000-year-old big idea bumped around inside their heads?

How about consumption? The reluctance to deal with global warming? Here's the voice I hear, ancient and persistent: "Get the stuff you need. Get more than you need, just in case. Feather the nest. Grow your children big and smart. Cut down the last tree if you need to."
I know that this is the voice of the antediluvian three-year-old-girl valiantly trying to save my family and me from death. I know that her message lurks deep within me. And I know that she's spouting one of the five ideas that doesn't work.

You get my drift.

Unitarian Universalists commit to a search for truth and meaning, even as we struggle with whatever primordial imperatives we hear. And we are working toward social justice, in spite of any hard-wired, sketchy advice that's lingered for 30,000 years. For me, it's not always obvious, and certainly not always easy. There was, for example, that thing about the eggs.

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REsources For Living

BY LYNN UNGAR, MINISTER FOR LIFESPAN LEARNING, CHURCH OF THE LARGER FELLOWSHIP

When was the last time you got really mad at someone? When was the last time someone got really mad at you? For some of us, the answer might be "Five months ago," or "Back when I was seven." But I'd bet that a lot more of us would have to say something closer to "Wednes-day," or "Last night." The fact of the matter is that even – or especially – with the people we love the most, our parents, siblings and best friends, we ' re likely to make snippy remarks, or disagree loudly, or, yes, get into huge, screaming battles. Sometimes we get into fights because the other person was unfair to us, or wouldn't listen, or was just plain being mean. And – admit it – sometimes we ' re the ones who are unfair or not listening or just plain mean.

The world would probably be a much easier place if we all came out perfect, if we were always gentle and loving and fair. Of course, then people would be much less compli-cated and much less interesting. As the world works, the fact is simply that people do hurtful things to one another, and then we have to deal with the consequences. Sometimes friendships get broken and don't get repaired because both people are too proud to apologize. It happens all the time.

Which is probably why religions have found various ways to help us deal with the broken places in ourselves and in our relationships. Roman Catholics, for instance, have a tradition of confession, in which church members tell a priest every-thing they have done wrong in the past week (or however long it's been since the last confession). Then the priest tells them what they should do to "atone" or make up for their wrongdoings, and grants them "absolution," or forgiveness.

The Jewish religion has a special time each year, called the High Holy Days, for this process of asking for forgiveness and trying to make things right. This special time, also known as the Days of Awe, begins with the holiday of Rosh Hashana. Rosh Hashana marks the Jewish New Year, but it also marks the beginning of the ten Days of Awe or Days of Turning. During these ten days between the New Year at Rosh Hashana and the holiday of Yom Kippur, Jews are expected to think about the broken places in their relationships and find ways to make them right. If you're having a quarrel with your neighbor, this is the time to work it out or get over it. If you've been bossy to your little brother, or said mean things to your older sister, this is the time to apologize. The Days of Turning have that name because they are the time for turning away from the worst that you've done, and turning toward being your best self. And that happens by apologizing for mistakes and trying to fix what went wrong.

The holiday of Yom Kippur is marked by spending the day fasting and attending worship in the synagogue. Part of the worship service is a confession of all the things that one might have done wrong during the year – the good things you failed to do as well as the bad things you've done. Everyone in the congregation says the same words of confession together, for the Jewish understanding is that the community is all responsible together, and that we participate in one another's failures. (Not unlike a parent sending both a sister and brother away from the dinner table when the sister complains the brother kicked her. The kicking was wrong, but very likely the sister did something to provoke it....) Jews believe that during the Days of Awe, God opens the Book of Life to write down the names of those who have lived well, including those who have has taken responsibility for their mistakes and made them right. At the end of the Yom Kippur service, they believe God closes the book, sealing everyone's fate for the year to come. Written and reconciled, at the close of the service everyone goes home to feast, as they are ravenous from fasting all day.

Even if you're not Jewish, it isn't a bad idea to find a time during the year (or month or week) to think about what mistakes you have made or what relationships have been damaged. You can try to make things right by talking with the person you've hurt, or writing a letter or sending an e-mail. The simple words, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me," have a lot of power to heal when they are said sincerely. You might even want to have a family ritual of turning. You could start with the story "What if Nobody Forgave?" by Colleen McDonald, which you can read online . You can ask each other for forgiveness for particular wrongs that you remember, and have a ritual in which people write down grudges they've been holding on a small piece of paper, and then burn the bits of paper in a metal bowl. You might want to close with reading #637 in Singing the Living Tradition (available on the web ).

It's never too late – or too soon – to turn toward forgiveness and mark the start of a new year.

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Merlin Said

BY PATRICK MURFIN

Love is the only magic.

It enriches the giver
      as it nourishes the object.
It serves the instant
      and washes over the ages.
It is as particular as the moo
      and as universal as the heavens.
If returned it is multiplied,
      yet spurned it is not diminished.
It is as lusty as the rutting stag
      but chaste as the unicorn's pillow.
It comes alike to the king on his throne
      and the cutpurse in the market.
If you would have magic,
      place faith in love or nothing.

From We Build Temples in the Heart, Skinner House, 2004. Available in the CLF library ( 617-948-6150) or from the UUA Bookstore (www.uua.org/bookstore or 800-215-9076).

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Canvass 2006

From Our Members | Dear Friends | How to Give | How Do I Know How Much to Give?

Let's Hear From Our Members...

“Each new door we open leads to broader vistas and visions.” –Denise Taft Davidoff Jennifer Anderson, Billings, MT Not only do I enjoy Quest, but my 18 year old son does, too. I cut out the quote on the front page and tape it to his bathroom mirror. I'm hoping these words of wisdom will sink in! Keep up the vital ministry. Sherry Wunderlich, Percy, IL I'm so grateful for my CLF – without it I would never "get to church" since I'm a nurse and work the night shift. I truly feel you are always here for me. Lulu Guravich, Fredericton, NB, Canada I am a senior (80) – and not able to attend my local church (Unitarian Universalist Church of Saint John) very often – so, I do enjoy being a member of the "Larger Fellowship." Thank you so much for being there – interesting sermons and articles and it keeps me connected along with the CUC publication. Elizabeth W. Clauson, Pelican, Alaska I read every monthly paper beginning to end, and sometimes pass them on to friends. What an interesting variety of views! Much to think about. Erston M. Butterfield, Pleasant Hill, TN A big "thank you" is so well deserved by the persons who tape the articles in each issue of Quest! Their clear diction and faithful emphasis bring alive the thoughts of each author and article. We who are sight impaired are deeply appreciative of their committed time and evident talent. Since they never give their names, only identifying the column, I can not write them directly, but please extend to them my heartfelt "thanks" for all their good work. Mr. And Mrs. Howard Ruskie, Hagerstown, MD We're active members of UUCH, Hagerstown, MD, but we still enjoy reading Quest – and when we were in Europe (1982-95), we really needed that link to the UUA.

“When we give liberally of our dearest resources, we’re genuinely fulfilled in the process...” –The Rev. Tom Owen Towle Virginia Dwyer, Livingston, TX I appreciate both the CLF newsletter and the UU magazine. It's valuable to read and thoughtful ideas on serious, important subjects. These are my buoys until I am "churched" again. Les (Leslie) Berg and Jacqueline Berg, Redondo Beach, CA I use the CLF publications to get ideas for Sunday services for our small Fellowship and to get inspiration. Barbara and Lou Turk, Klamath Falls, OR What laughs! I enjoyed reading Marjorie Rebmann's "Speaking with the Dragon," in June's newsletter. I made a dozen copies and sent them to computer nerds and computer dopes (including ME!) we know and love. Nothing beats sharing laughter and wisdom (And I've started another list of names to copy for and mail to). Thus nothing ails me. Margaret Rose Simons, New Ulm, TX Thank you for the wonderful publications! We live in rural Texas, surrounded by right-wing fundamentalists. The UU materials are a breath of fresh air, and so affirming for our children. I wish our contribution could be more. Gina Soh, Singapore Thank you for the mailing list! I am Gina Soh from Singapore. Singapore is an island state situated at the southern tip of the Malay Peninsular in Southeast Asia. We are a multi-racial and multi-religious society. I come from a Buddhist, Taoist and Confucianist background. I am currently attending the Singapore Theosophical Society. I joined the Church of the Larger Fellowship a few months ago so I am quite a newbie. I enjoy reading Quest and the CLF mailing list. Even though I am not familiar with the American and European history of Unitarian and Universalism, I identify with the values and principles of UU, which I think are very universal. Currently, I do not know any Unitarian Universalists in Singapore so it can get quite lonely here! Fortunately, there is always the CLF. I look forward to many wonderful discussions here.

Make Your Pledge

Dear Members and Friends of the CLF:

When I wrote to you last year, I reviewed some of our program highlights and commented that "there is lots more we can do, and the board and staff are working together to enrich our programs and extend our membership base." So there was; so we did. We got a lot more serious about marketing and communications and have a new brochure and a redesigned website and a dashing GA booth as a result. We accepted the challenge to work with a group of UU young adults, contributing staff time, organizational skills, money and trust. With them, we proudly introduced the Church of the Younger Fellowship at the General Assembly in Fort Worth. Our RE program spans the generations and fairly bursts with new projects under the imaginative direction of Rev. Lynn Ungar. We have joined an ongoing conversation with other UU organizations to figure out how to be more efficient and effective at spreading Unitarian Universalism around the world. All this happens without dropping the services you have come to rely on and without increasing our staff.

Each new door we open leads to broader vistas and visions. Could the materials on our website be translated into Spanish and other languages? Could the Church of the Younger Fellowship be an electronic spiritual base for youth and young adults abroad as well as in the US? Could we expand our Prison Ministry's Pen Pal Program to embrace all the men and women on the waiting list? Could we add streaming to our website technology? Could we be more of a Unitarian Universalist presence in a world that so desperately needs to hear our healing message?

This is a canvass letter. If you are reading it, know that the CLF needs your pledge and your payment. I want you to think seriously about doubling or tripling what you did last year. The CLF is worth it! If you are not presently contributing, what are you waiting for?

I like what Rev. Tom Owen-Tole has written about giving to your church:

"When we give liberally of our dearest resources, we're genuinely fulfilled in the process. Truly becoming...a liberal religious church, requires us to be generous to the core—open of mind, heart, spirit, and hand. Healthy persons and healthy congregations know and practice the supreme joy of giving."

I know I speak for my colleagues on the CLF Board in promising to spend the money you give us wisely.

With deep appreciation,

Denise Taft Davidoff
Chair, CLF Board of Directors

Make Your Pledge

How to Give to the CLF

Financially, we are a church like any other: We depend on the contributions of our members. We plan the scope and programs of the CLF based on the pledges we receive. Membership brings with it the responsibility to make and fulfill a pledge for the calendar year. You may make a financial contribution in a variety of ways.

Make a Pledge | Make a Contribution | Planned Giving | For Canadian Contributors

• Use the envelope found each month in Quest for your checks.
• Contribute by credit card (Visa, MC, or Discover)—pay in full or set up an automatic monthly credit card withdrawal by contacting Donna Dudley at the CLF office (ddudley@clfuu.org or 617-948-6160).
• Use your bank's free on-line banking service to send a check every month.
• Use our website to set up your contribution at www.clfuu.org, click on Contribute.

In addition, we hope you will communicate with the office about changes in address, telephone number, or e-mail address, or to give us feedback about your experience of the CLF.

We need and welcome your contribution to CLF whether or not you are a member. Sponsors help us to help those who cannot contribute as much as they would like.

If you are a member and it is a hardship for you to make a contribution, you should understand that you are welcome here whether or not you can help financially. In this case, please contact us at clf@clfuu.org or 617-948-6166.

Make Your Pledge

Thoughts on how much to give

Every successful church canvass offers guidelines for its members. The leading fundraisers are agreed that the only helpful guide is one based on a percentage of income. Our lives and personal economies are so different that the only fair guide is one based on a percentage. Some UU churches today talk about 10% as the amount to set aside to give away in a personal or family budget. They recommend 5% to your church and 5% to all the other groups and causes you support. Others use a sliding scale, with 1% of household income suggested for families with incomes below $20,000 a year, going up to a pledge of 8% of income or more for families with household incomes in excess of $100,000.

If this is still a new way of looking at your pledge to our church, you may want to plan several years to reach 5% (or your goal percentage): 3% in 2006, 4% in 2007 and so on. We ask each CLF member to work toward this understanding of generous and responsible support for our church.

Brad Greeley,
CLF Fundraising Chair

Quest October 2005 Contents How Much Do We Deserve? On-Line ClassesA Mitzvah of Reconciliation Bad Information REsources For LivingMerlin Said Canvass 2006		Make Your Pledge